We survived 2019. For that we get to celebrate all that was gained this year. For hundreds of our patients that means a pregnancy. For others at different stages in their fertility journey, they gained a realization that they need help getting pregnant, or they gained an understanding of why they are not getting pregnant, or they gained knowledge as to what steps they are going to take in 2020 to get pregnant.

Whatever happened in 2019 I hope there was growth, knowledge or some new understanding that empowers you for 2020.

One thing I realized about myself this year is that this is who I am. There is not going to be some new, better version of myself that will emerge.

I often think to myself that I will one day take more time to exercise and then I will be really fit and be amazed by my body in the mirror. I think that one day I will have all my photos organized into photo books. I imagine a time when I always have nice nails and good hair every day. I think there will be a time when my email inbox is all caught up. I think there will be a time when I will listen to all my father’s stories so I will have a real understanding of our family’s origin story.

Since I am now 46 and none of those things have happened, I don’t think they will unless I consciously make them happen. Given that I have not made any gestures mentally or physically to bring about these goals, they must be low enough on my priority list that they will likely never happen.

So I guess this is me: out of shape with craggy nails and a full inbox. This is me with 40,000 photos I won’t ever organize and only a limited knowledge of my family history.  I have to believe I am still a good enough version of myself to have value. A dramatically better version of myself is probably not going to emerge.

I suspect I am not alone in my struggle to be content as I am. I don’t know many women who do not want to lose 10lbs, work less, and take more time for friendships. If women stopped wanting these things and were completely content, the beauty industry would collapse and half of the grocery store magazines would go unsold.

A little better version can emerge though and that’s what I’ll work on for 2020. A little more exercise, a little more time on my appearance, a little more time culling my inbox and a few more conversations with my dad.

So, whatever you realized this year I hope you find contentment and even optimism for the small changes you can make in 2020.

And, if some of your goals relate to fertility I hope we can help.  Let’s make 2020 the year we are all a little better and achieve our goals.

Dr. Beth Taylor MD, FRCSC

Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility